Savage Love
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Savage Love: A Web of Relationship Drama
One of my very close friends, a lesbian, has been married for a couple of years now. It’s been nothing but drama since the day they met. My friend had a terrible home life growing up and doesn’t understand stability. She also has zero self-confidence. My friend and her wife…
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Savage Love: Leftover Advice for Live-Streamed Quickies
We hosted our second Savage Love Livestream last week and it was a blast. I ran my mouth as fast as I could but couldn’t give advice on every question that came in — there were hundreds of you and only one of me — so I’m going to power…
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Savage Love: Big Gay Dream Interpretation
I’m wondering if you can help me with some dream interpretation. If it helps for context, I’m a single 29-year-old gay man. For just about as long as I can remember, I’ve been having sex dreams, though mildly unsatisfying ones in that the dreams never seem to lead to actual…
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Savage Love: Don’t Come in the Casserole
Something is bothering me and I don’t know where else to turn. I’m a bisexual man. I’ve been married to a great guy for the past six years. Despite COVID we gathered safely for an outdoors Thanksgiving dinner with my family. My mom, my brother and sister-in-law, and my adult…
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Savage Love: My Girlfriend Wants To Be Non-Monogamous
I’m a lesbian and my girlfriend is bi. I’ve read your column and listened to your podcast for a long time, Dan, and I always thought I’d be fine with having a partner ask me about being non-monogamous. Then my girlfriend of about a year and a half told me…
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Savage Love: Getting It Up or Getting Out
My boyfriend and I were friends for a couple of years (we’re both 30-year-old gay men), then I stopped traveling around the world and pursued him. We’ve been boyfriends for a year and a half now. We were both happy and we had sex on a regular basis during the…
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Savage Love: Working Out the Kink
I’ve always been excited by BDSM but I’ve only minimally explored this side of myself until very recently. I’m a straight woman and it was difficult to find men who wanted more monogamish relationships on the traditional apps and a challenge to be honest about what I am looking for…
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Savage Love: When a Threesome Just Isn’t Enough
Why are threesomes much more accepted in the popular imagination than foursomes? I was just Googling “finding foursomes” and the first result is an article about threesomes that takes for granted that people are looking for MFF. That is a form of heteronormativity, right? I am not judging threesomes, of…
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Savage Love: Sex as a Senior Is Healthy, Creepy Old Man Is Not
I’m a nearly-80 straight male with undiminished libido. I have no problem with it, just a persistent curiosity. Like, why now? And why so various? And is the regular need for sex common as a senior? Male and female? I’m more sex-obsessed than ever before, including adolescence. Until my sixties,…
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Savage Love: A Lesson In Trust
I’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful guy for the past year. The only problem is that he works with a girl he used to fuck. It wasn’t just sex—they would go on dates and even went on vacation together. He kept this little “detail” to himself for six…
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Savage Love: Never Give Up
Borrowing Gen Z’s love for labelling everything, I’m a 46-year-old homoromantic asexual Canadian faggot. For me that means I’d like to love and be loved by another man but I’d hate having sex with him. To add a vexing complication, I also need some sort of power imbalance. Ideally, I…
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Savage Love: Digging Up Private Messages From the Grave
My husband recently passed away. He was a wonderful person and we had 12 great years together. He was also very, very organized. His death was an accident but everything was in order. He even left a note in a sealed envelope for his lawyer to present to me. It…
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Savage Love: Obligations and Mistaken Identities
I was dumped in August by a guy I was seeing for 10 months. He told me that he wants to work on himself and “needs to be selfish” right now. Since then, we have spoken every day, shared numerous dinners, and gone on hikes. Our friendship is killing me.…
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Savage Love: Quad Relationships Aren’t For Squares
I’m a thirty-something gay man married to a thirty-something gay man. For almost two years, we’ve been seeing another pair of married gay men around our age — a quad relationship. They were our first experience with any sexual or romantic interaction outside of our relationship. The first six months…
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Savage Love: A Sex Worker and a Missed Connection
Married guy here. I’m 33, the wife is 31. Our fifth anniversary is next month but we’ve been together for almost eight years. We’ve recently both come out to each other as bi. She tried to tell me a long time ago whereas I came to the realization only recently.…
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Savage Love: Red Flags Are Flying
I’m a straight man who’s been dating a woman for not quite four months. In the beginning things were light, but they started to get heavy quickly. Two weeks in she revealed her very serious abandonment issues and then began asking me whether I really loved her and demanding reassurance…
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