Advice
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Savage Love: The Doghouse Can’t Be Forever
I’m a 29-year-old straight male. I’ve been with my 25-year-old partner for six years. I love her and think that we are perfect for each other. We have all the things that make existing with someone wonderful. But about two years into our relationship I had a two-week-long affair while…
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Savage Love: Should Couples Snoop?
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and we have a great relationship—or so I thought. Last week, I snooped on my boyfriend’s browser history and I don’t know what to do with what I found. I’m a longtime reader and Savage Lovecast listener SO I KNOW WHAT I DID…
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Savage Love Quickies: Relationship Woes
I want to thank everyone who attended our third Savage Love Livestream on March 13. Mistress Matisse was our very special guest and we tackled a lot of questions about BDSM over a very lively 90 minutes. We didn’t get to every question — there were so many — but…
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Savage Love: The Cuckold Dilemma
A male friend — not my best friend but a close one — told me his wife was really attracted to me, another male, and asked if I was attracted to her. His wife is an incredibly hot woman and I thought it was a trick question. I read your…
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Savage Love: Assholes Don’t Have Epiphanies
I’m having a problem advising a friend. She’s been through a divorce and now the breaking off of an engagement. To put it simply, both relationships ended because she was cheated on and she has a zero-tolerance policy around infidelity. To complicate matters, in each relationship we — her friends…
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Savage Love: Does a Cousin Count as Incest?
I am at a loss. I am devastated. I just found out my husband has been sexting with another woman. As if that wasn’t not bad enough, this woman is his first cousin! And this has been going on for years! I’ll give you a moment to recover from that…
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Savage Love: When You Lose Your Kinks
I know you and other sexperts say that kinks are ingrained and not something you can get rid of, but mine have all vanished! Ever since I started on antidepressants, my relationship with my body and how it reacts to pain — both physical and mental — has completely changed.…
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Savage Love Quickies: Trouble With Intimacy
I’m a 30-year-old straight woman in a three-year relationship with my live-in partner, who is also 30. I love him and he loves me and he wants to make a life with me. However, in this pandemic, the stress is so great that I have lost all desire to have…
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Savage Love: The Harm in Hiding HIV Status
I could really use your advice. I recently found my boyfriend’s HIV meds while I was house-sitting for him and went into his cupboard for a multivitamin. We’ve been dating for a year and I had assumed he was negative. I’m negative myself and on PrEP and he is undetectable,…
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Savage Love: Should Parents Have Wild Sex with Kids in the House?
We’re an adventurous, bisexual, non-monogamous, opposite-sex couple with a teenage kid living in Europe. We don’t really struggle with finding and trying new and interesting stuff in bed. However, we do have a problem and it’s getting worse. Having sex is, well, weird, with a kid in the house. We…
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Savage Love: A Web of Relationship Drama
One of my very close friends, a lesbian, has been married for a couple of years now. It’s been nothing but drama since the day they met. My friend had a terrible home life growing up and doesn’t understand stability. She also has zero self-confidence. My friend and her wife…
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Savage Love: Working Out the Kink
I’ve always been excited by BDSM but I’ve only minimally explored this side of myself until very recently. I’m a straight woman and it was difficult to find men who wanted more monogamish relationships on the traditional apps and a challenge to be honest about what I am looking for…
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Savage Love: Digging Up Private Messages From the Grave
My husband recently passed away. He was a wonderful person and we had 12 great years together. He was also very, very organized. His death was an accident but everything was in order. He even left a note in a sealed envelope for his lawyer to present to me. It…
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Savage Love: Obligations and Mistaken Identities
I was dumped in August by a guy I was seeing for 10 months. He told me that he wants to work on himself and “needs to be selfish” right now. Since then, we have spoken every day, shared numerous dinners, and gone on hikes. Our friendship is killing me.…
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Savage Love: Quad Relationships Aren’t For Squares
I’m a thirty-something gay man married to a thirty-something gay man. For almost two years, we’ve been seeing another pair of married gay men around our age — a quad relationship. They were our first experience with any sexual or romantic interaction outside of our relationship. The first six months…
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Savage Love: A Sex Worker and a Missed Connection
Married guy here. I’m 33, the wife is 31. Our fifth anniversary is next month but we’ve been together for almost eight years. We’ve recently both come out to each other as bi. She tried to tell me a long time ago whereas I came to the realization only recently.…
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